And so it began…

The last few months have been really challanging and yet extremely satisfying. I have spent time integrating and healing my mind, body and spirit as well as making a monumental life change by moving to the Pacific North West after 36 years of living in CO. During this process however we ended up leaving my mom and our kiddo there for them to finish high school, cause what teenager really wants to leave their friends and school halfway through right? I thought that I would be ok since we hadn’t been living together for a while, however empty nest hit HARD! That was just the beginning.

I had this idea that because I had tidied up everything in CO and done so much healing, that it would mean smooth sailing once we arrived in the PNW. Was I ever WRONG!?!?! It is true that now I was in a place that was more temperate, and the first 45 or so days we were here felt AMAZING!!! Then the cooler weather set it and it started to rain for several days at a time with no real amount of sun to be seen. Thats when it hit me. Like a ton of bricks landing on me, I MISSED THE SUN!?!?! I realized that I had shoving down emotions and allowing myself to run on autopilot. My inner adolescent had grabbed the reigns of my life and was running amuck… as I say this I see Sarah Jessica Parker’s character from Hocus Pocus, ironically named Sarah Sanderson, jumping up and down yelling “AMUCK AMUCK AMUCK!!!”. While the adult me was extremely happy to finally be in a place more conducive to the health of my spouse as well as myself, the inner teenage Shandra was none to happy to have been “riped from her family and brought to this cold and dreary place”. I found this out when I was able to finally reconnect and get in touch with her, she was SUPER pissed at me. This is why we do things like parts work and journey to find our shadow-self.

When I finally got quiet, slowed down and actually allowed myself to connect with the inner me, I was able to see just what was going on and why I had ended up feeling the things I did. I took the time to let this part of me know what was going on and why it was happening, that I only had our best interests at heart and that I loved her unconditionally. I thanked her for showing up for me and let her know I was able to handle things now that I was able to be the healthiest adult version of myself. It took a little bit of time working with this piece, however eventually she trusted me enough to let go of the reigns and let me step back in the saddle.

Now we are here, life has definitely been anything but quiet, and yet at the same time so many synchronisities have arisen. I have been able to step into the inner Badass that became buried for so long. I have been able to say YES to the things that light me up and NO to those that don’t. I have stepped into the highest version of myself who desires nothing more than me to have the life of my dreams. I stumbled for a bit and admittedly I became worried that I might not get back up, however after doing some EFT aka Tapping or Emotional Freedom Technique and the Shadow-work technique I use with myself and my clients, I was able to move the energy through me. I was able to release the limiting beliefs and “negative self-talk” in order to move through that which had been holding me back and causing procrastination. Of course this is not the end, as with all Shadow-work it is layered and I cleaned what needed to be cleaned for now, however next time it will be even less challanging than it was this time and after all that is the point of this work.