I did a 7 day Yogic Writing challenge and this is the outcome of the prompt for day 4.
I am the Queen of Pivoting, this I have come to learn.
Everything centers around that fateful day when in an instant I lost everything up to the 31 years I had been living. After the trauma, of finding out that I did not know who I was, I was in an instant so depressed that I tumbled down a rabbit hole (even warriors have dark days). I refused to leave my bedroom and I was scaring both my mom and child. I did not like seeing the sadness on their faces, I did not know how to tell them that I did not remember them or the life we had lived. I was distraught that I was bringing them into the nightmare I found myself in. So in the infinite wisdom I had around myself, I say this as I did not truly realize how deep the wealth of wisdom went in me, I felt called to do a ritual. I did not know why, however something told me that I had to hold on, I had this deeper knowing that something amazing was just around the bend if only I trusted it. I realized what did I have to loose? I was contemplating suicide as I had felt it was the only way out, the only fair way to not hurt my family with the lies I was living with. In that moment as I lay on my bed, tears rolling down my face, I heard a voice say “Do not give up, there is something greater out there for you, you just have to BELIEVE and ask for it”. When I heard that I immediately looked down at my chest where I had the most beautiful set of orange blossom lilies with the word “BELIEVE” tattooed. I knew in that instant that I could not give up and that I was here dealing with this for a reason, though uncertain as I was, I knew then that the upcoming summer solstice would be the day I asked for it. I knew deep down inside that it was time to do something and when I got quiet and listened I heard “ritual”, when I asked “to who” I heard “Brigid” and so on June 21, 2014 I created a ritual where I dedicated myself, my life and faith to the Celtic Goddess Brigid and asked her to send me my purpose, a sign, a reason to keep living. I asked her without discernment as I was very innocent in my thoughts and headspace, much like a child, as I did not remember much other than how to drive. This moment changed everything, the entire direction of my life shifted in that moment and in four day’s time I would find out just how much.