Day 3 of the Yogic Writing Challenge
Six years ago I had been a warrior who had undergone so much to survive the traumas she had been through, both self-inflicted and other-inflicted, however she hit rock bottom and was once again crawling out. She thought she had ran the gauntlet and made it out the other side, she was about to find out that she still had many lessons to learn and that the greatest lesson of all, that of gaining faith and starting the true healing she had begged for years with her tears, was going to come at a cost; that cost was she would be awoken, never to be who she had previously been ever again. She did not understand the cost, though she soon would.
On June 5, 2015 I was in a horrible car accident, my body thankfully was in tact (if not a little bruised and worse for wear) as I did not have the time to stop or brake so I never had time to brace for impact. I had a car make a left turn in front of me and he never saw me due to the car that had passed him and blocked both our views. I was knocked unconscious however and sustained head trauma from a closed head wound, a grade two or higher concussion or trauma brain injury as it would come to be known as. The EMT’s let me go home without taking me to the ER to get checked as they said “you seem fine, you don’t need to go to the ER if you don’t want to” and I was so confused that I just said yes. I soon learned the extent of my injuries, though out of shame kept them to myself. I called the person named “Mom” in my phone and they came to get me. When they arrived I had a beautiful little child run up to me with tears streaming down their face and they hugged me tightly saying “ Mommy!!! I love you!”. I was unsure how to respond, in that moment I didn’t recognize anyone, not my child, not my mom, not our neighbor who drove us home and certainly not myself when I looked at pictures on the way or in the mirror. In those moments as I starred blankly out at the world while the ocean was closing over me in my mind, I realized I would have to be a warrior, as it was going to take much strength, courage, and bravery to embark on the journey of figuring out who I as and what in the past 31 years had happened to me that I had been willing to take on a whole new life instead of living the one I had… in addition to having to learn to read, write and speak properly all over again. This is my story, my journey of finding my authentic self, my purpose, myself, and no one ever told me I would have to love myself first in order to do that… that would have made it a whole lot simpler and less complicated than I made it, however is that not the point?